Brummfisch

Spent the last half hour having fun with checking in online for my flight. First, the KLM/Air France/Delta website is the crappiest website I have ever had the misfortune of trying to navigate. I tried checking in on the KLM site, as my flight has a KLM flight number but it said “sorry! not our problem, go to Delta”. Oh, no!

The Delta website at least let me punch in my number, but it was only a short-lived victory, as neither was I able to change my name from “Monikamrs” to my real name, nor my seat reservation (I HATE WINDOW SEATS DON’T PUT ME IN A WINDOW SEAT PRETTY PLEASE). “oh well” I thought “at least I’ll check in, I’ll be able to change that later on at the airport”, but ALAS! “sorry, your check-in could not be completed at this time”. So I called the contact number to check if indeed that was the case, and could they please check me in.

Or so I thought. But before the contact with an actual human being the Delta Gods had installed a computerized answering machine which tried to get rid of me “SORRY I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT PLEASE SPELL YOUR CONFIRMATION NUMBER USING COMMON NAMES D AS IN DORA F AS IN FUCK OFF ASSHOLE CUSTOMER”. But since I know how to navigate menus “REPRESENTATIVEREPRESENTATIVEREPRESENTATIVE” I got through to Rashid Bill quite easily. Bill unfortunately could not locate my confirmation number any more easily than the machine, even after I had spelled it using most of the radio alphabets I know. He then nervously descended from his British into a more Commonwealth accent and said he needed to contact his supervisor for that matter, if I minded waiting. I never heard from Bill again.

Then I called “Lisa” who actually sounded like the quiet girl from “Outsorced” so as to say not at all. After yelling back and forth for a bit she did indeed find my flight with the confirmation number, but was aghast to see that it was operated by KLM. “You need to call the KLM number” she said with a certain disgust in her voice.

Unfortunately, the number she had given me turned out to be the KLM IT helpdesk number which was only staffed until 7:30 pm. Googling turned up the regular KLM service desk number where I was at least immediately found, proclaimed checked-in and told to be at the airport 2 hours prior to the flight “cause it’s an international flight!” When I hung up I noticed that the KLM website said “Please be at the airport 60 minutes before your flight”. So I called again to confirm. Bad mistake!

This time I got somebody with a rather authentic American accent, but I actually prefer the polite Indians, thank you very much. Because my remark “the website says ‘60 minutes prior’” sparked an angry “I don’t WORK for website design” … well, OK, good man, but you work for Delta/KLM/Air France whichever I’ve been transferred so many time my head spins WHAT IS IT NOW 2 HRS OR 60 MINUTES TELL ME OR I WILL PERSONALLY CHOKE YOU WITH YOUR PHONE CORD.

“60 minutes prior is the time when your flight boards but you have to be at the airport 2 hours prior”
…
“But I am checked in already - what do I do the other hour?”
…
“That means that 60 minutes prior is the time when YOU HAVE TO BE AT THE GATE”
…
“Yes, I know that, but seeing as I am already checked in, isn’t it sufficient when I show up at the gate on time? What is it I should do the other of the 2 hours you ask me to be at the airport?”

“It is an INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT SO YOU HAVE TO BE THERE 2 HOURS EARLY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”

“Thank you for your polite information. Remind me why I booked your crap airline again? Oh that’s right I did not, it was booked for me, but rest assured I will try my best that this will NEVER happen again, so you don’t have to put up with me assaulting your delicate senses with my telephone presence again.”